Friday, April 15, 2005

Breakfast of Champions III

On Thursday night I met up with Al & Diego at a swanky lounge for what I thought, once again, was going to be just one cocktail. Well, we ended up at my club and running into Mark and his buddies who were hotties. Unfortunately, they weren't interested me but they're nice guys. I ran into an old client of mine who I was attracted to, Jamie. We talked a bit and he told me that during our meetings, he secretly wished that I would lean over and kiss him. I told him that I wanted to do just that but it would not have been professional of me. Jamie said he had no clue that I was attracted to him. Since it was getting late and I had a few too many cocktails, I thought it best that I head home. Jamie said he had to leave too as he had a conference call at 8am and wasn't sure how it would go since he, too, had a few too many cocktails. He walked me as far as he could, exchanged phone numbers and he open mouth kissed me a few times, but since it was on the street corner I pulled away -- kissing in public is still new for me.

I got home around 1:00am. My Ex was still awake and we talked a bit until he went to bed. I showered and joined him half an hour later. In the morning, of course, we had breakfast of champions.

It's interesting that we are having more sex now that we are broken up.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Breakfast of Champions II

The Ex's good friend from high school, Arlene, flew in on Wednesday. We got along great. She inquired about the status of our relationship and my Ex provided her with an update. She asked if he were seeing anyone and he told her about Larry, his coworker. I was invited to dinner with them, and initially I politely declined, but later acquiesced. We had a good time at dinner.

Since my current room used to be the guestroom, Amy was to sleep in it. I was going to sleep in the living room, but my Ex thought Arlene would feel badly about that, so I agreed to sleep in his bed. And of course, we woke up the next morning and had breakfast of champions (sex).

You have to start your day with a hearty meal.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Two Dates for Tuesday

On Tuesday night, I met up with Nicolas in the gay section for happy hour cocktails then to dinner. We went next door to my favorite French restaurant. Dinner conversation was flowing and I was enjoying Nicolas' company. I was also enjoying our waiter, who I have had a crush since he started working there some eight months ago. The waiter seemed to be flirting with me. My Ex had noticed that the last time he and I were there, he thought the waiter was checking me out. The waiter would always give me a look every time he was in my vicinity. I would catch his stare each time, all the while making sure Nicolas was unaware. It got to a point where the waiter and I were smiling whenever he served us -- it was as if we were in on a private joke. It was very exciting.

I walked Nicolas home as he had a 9:30pm business meeting that he had delayed so he could have dinner with me. On my way home, Al called to say the gang was at The Corner Bar so I met them for what I thought was going to be one drink. We ended up back at my club where we had a few more cocktails. I was hanging out with Mark. We closed the club down and I went back up to Mark's apartment where we had a make out marathon. I got home around 4:30am. The Ex was not home yet from his date. He had the next day off because his high school friend was coming from the West Coast to stay with us. I showered, read a little in bed, and turned off my lights at 5:15am. I knew I was going to be hurting at work tomorrow. A few minutes later I heard my Ex coming in. Apparently we both had a good night.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Busy, busy

The last several days have been hectic. On Thursday, my buddy Joshua, my former boss, started working out with me for the first time. He had recently moved to our town after breaking up with his boyfriend of 6 years. Joshua was the first person I told about my break-up.

We had planned to go to dinner at Diego's restaurant/bar around 8:30pm but didn't arrive til 9:30pm. Diego had left thinking that we had flaked. We were given the best booth in the house, one that overlooks everyone so we can people-watch. A couple of guys were checking us out and we sort of felt like we were on stage -- I was feeling uncomfortable, yet it was interesting at the same time. I typically find myself the center of attention, and though I appreciate it on one hand, I'm always uncomfortable about it.

We then headed out to another club which was having a Latino night. There wasn't anything we were interested in there so we left after only one drink. Joshua wasn't feeling too well so he planned on heading home. I coerced him into walking into my club to get me settled in, then he could leave. We ran into Diego, Al & Gavin, a waiter at the Lion's Den. Joshua ended up staying because he was chatting it up with Gavin. He had crush on after Gavin after being served by him a few weeks earlier. After an hour and half, they left together with minimal fanfare. Joshua called me later that night, right after Gavin left his place, to thank me. This was uncharacteristic of Joshua, who is very conservative in the romantic department, like me.

I got another call that night; this time from Alex. I had to step outside the club because of the reception. Something about his Ex, that it was complicated, blah, blah, blah. I asked if it affected our date on Saturday night & he said it was still on, that I had him all night starting from 6pm. I was excited, but cautious. I went back into the club & hung out with Diego and Al. Mark, a good friend of Diego, and who also works at the Lion's Den with Gavin, arrived. We took the party to a leather bar a block away. I had never been there before, but did know one of the bartenders, Calvin, who I knew a long time ago from my hometown. My drinks were comped, of course. Interestingly enough, Calvin was a porn star, but when I knew him he was a skinny, awkward guy.

Mark was going to his apartment, which was only a few buildings away, so he could pee. I asked if I could come because I hate those leather bar restrooms -- very cruisey. We left Al at the bar and he said to hurry because he was going to be alone -- Diego had left. We got to Mark's apartment and he asked me for a kiss. I hadn't seen that coming. We had been talking all night and I didn't think he was attracted to me. He must have thought that I invited myself to his place for this reason. I was feeling the effects of the alcohol and I figured why not, I'm single. And so we did. When we returned, Al said "it shouldn't have taken you guys 12 minutes" -- I guess he was our chaparone. We had another drink, then Al wanted to leave so we walked him part way. Mark was grabbing me and I knew he wanted me to go back to his place. We made sure that Al was out of sight and didn't see us enter Mark's building. We kissed a little more, but it was a work night so I had to go home. Mark was trying to get more, but I'm good at holding out. My friends just call me a tease.

I got home around 2am. I had to work the next morning. I checked my email before going to bed. Alex had emailed me noting that he was canceling our date this Saturday. I wasn't surprised, as he'd done this before. He was vague, but the email noted that I had forwarded an email of his to one of my friends, who in turn forwarded it to his ex, who, needless to say, was very upset.

I called Alex the next day, Friday, during my lunch break. I explained that I had not forwarded any of his emails to anyone, that I wouldn't do such a thing nor have any reason to. Alex wondered how his ex saw my online photo album, "he went through all your pictures." I reminded Alex that I had sent him an online picture of me (he wanted to see me in my sheriff's uniform), and that his ex either accessed his email and found it that way, or checked the Internet history on his computer browser. Alex didn't know about this feature so I provided him with instructions. Nevertheless, Alex said that he and the ex had a long talk and decided to not date anyone at this time, until they figure things out. I wished Alex a sincere good luck and that I'll probably see him out and about and hope it won't be too awkward for him -- he assured me it wouldn't be.

After work I went to the gym as usual. My ex had called my cellphone several times, so I called him from the locker room. He inquired what I was up to, and suggested we grab dinner. We went to Keizo, a Japanese restaurant that had an interesting memory for me. It was at Keizo some 6 years ago that the ex had suggested we "move on," code for break-up. Well we were broken up for a total of 3 days, until he begged me to take him back. I recounted this memory to the Ex, who wasn't too thrilled to hear the story again. We went home, watched some TV then read a bit. I was having a nice time with the Ex, that I didn't make any plans for late that night -- I ignored the calls to my cellphone.

On Saturday the Ex and I went shopping, which is becoming a hobby for us. I've been spending way too much money on clothes and shoes -- I need to cut down. The Ex left for his usual Saturday night date with Larry. Later that night, I met Hans at Diego's restaurant where the rest of the group was also. We did another pub crawl and ended up at Al's place for late night cocktails. I've been drinking way more than I usually do -- not good. Hans and I fell asleep at Al's and I awoke at 7:00 am and tried to sneak out. Hans got up and walked me out. We had a nice and long goodbye kiss. I told him I would call him later that morning since we had brunch plans with Al to go to Diego's restaurant. When I got home, I was sure to be very quiet as I didn't want my Ex to hear me coming in. I know that I didn't have to, but I didn't want to deal with any issues that may have stemmed from it.

I awoke that Sunday at 11:00am. The Ex was already up and he didn't seem to be in a good mood. I was heading off to brunch when the Ex made a comment about cleaning up around the house with me. I told the Ex that I would be back in a couple of hours and would help clean up then. He wasn't too happy.

Brunch with Hans and Al went well. We, of course, had the best booth in the place. When I got home at 2:00pm, the Ex immediately got dressed and headed out -- he was still acting upset but wouldn't say why. He said he would be back in a couple of hours. Fine. A bunch of my coworkers had talked about going to a beer bust today. I told Steven to call me if he was going and he did. Steven and I have been working together for almost 2 years. When I first started at my company, he and I went to lunch. I knew that Steven was attracted to me, and I thought he was cute. During that lunch he asked about my relationship status. I told him I was partnered and thus we began a friendship, but there was clearly something more there. I met Steven on my corner and we walked to the beer bust. I had told Hans and Al about it as well. Hans called while Steven and I was en route -- they were going to meet us there.

The beer bust was packed. I had never been to one so I didn't know what to expect. Everyone was getting drunk and quite sloppy about it -- beer was spilling everywhere and I was trying to not let beer get on my new shoes. I don't drink beer, and in fact, didn't have anything to drink as I was planning on working out at the gym afterwards with my Ex. Diego showed up with a Latino that looked exactly like his ex. The rest of the gang showed up too and couldn't get over the resemblance of Diego's Latino boy to his ex.

Steven was on one side of me while Hans was on the other. I was sure to pay them both attention. Diego's Latino was drunk and kept grabbing my arms, commenting on its size, then he kept trying to lift up my shirt to see my pecs. I was not amused. After 30 minutes Steven had had enough so he left and I soon followed. I called my Ex and had him meet me at the gym. He was still in a mood, but he got over it. I asked what he did after I got back from brunch. He said he went to hangout a friend's store. I inquired more and found out who this friend was (I knew him from the gym) and also found out that this friend has been very forward with my Ex but that it's just a frienship -- my Ex isn't attracted to his body. We had a good workout and walked to the grocery store afterwards, and had our usual Sunday night routine.

Boy, my life is getting complicated. I don't know what is worse -- the boredom resulting after being in a 10 year relationship, or doing the dating juggle and being out all the time. I have a feeling my life will have this hectic pace for a while.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Dinner With Max

Max, the "one that got a way" five years ago, emailed me earlier in the week saying "maybe we have some things to say to one another to gain some closure or something? Maybe we should get together and talk. Let it all out kinda thing."

I met him on Wednesday night at our favorite Cuban restaurant, where we, in fact, had our first date -- I can still remember that date to this day. Max was waiting outside and I could see him while I was crossing the street. It had been about 6 months since I last saw him. I'm still incredibly attracted to him. He's been working out too, so he's bigger now, but with a little more gray hair which makes him look better, I think. Our greeting didn't feel awkward and I immediately felt comfortable with him. It's like it was five years ago.

Dinner conversation went well, though we didn't talk about the heavy stuff. I asked just before dessert if he needed to head home after dinner, or if he would available for a cocktail, which he was. I figured I would save the heavy stuff for then.

We went to my favorite lounge, the same place that Nicolas and I went to on our first date last week. It's a cozy, more sophisticated kind of space with low lighting and soft music. It's a great place to take a date for intimate conversations. We sat in the same spot that Nicolas and I sat, though Max wasn't leaning on me like Nicolas was. Max and I weren't on a date. It was a "lets talk things over" meeting.

I told Max everything! How I felt about him back then and now, that he was "the one that got away." I told him that when I had broken up with my Ex to be with him back then, that it was too late (Max announced that he was transferring to my hometown). I told him that I didn't think it was fair to him to tell him about my relationship with the Ex since he was leaving. I told him that when we connected in my hometown, and finally became physically involved (after 6 months of dating), that when he told me he wanted me to be his boyfriend, that it really hurt me because I knew that I had lost him -- that we would never be together again.

I acknowledged that it could simply be a romantic, fantastical memory of mine, that if we had fully actualized our relationship that it may not have lasted. I'm a realist besides being a hopeful romantic. I told him that even if I don't see him again, that I was happy for the memories and happy that he is "the one that got away." I said that if nothing changes, at least he would always be that to me.

I walked him to his car and he offered to drive me home. I was feeling hopeful. We hugged in the car and he said he would call me after he processed everything that was discussed.

I sure hope he calls. I don't want him to be "the one that got away -- twice!"

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Alex Makes a Date

So Alex called on Monday night wanting to get together this Saturday. I was excited, but nervous. He had emailed me on Friday, the day after our Thursday night outing. His email read:
Hey u,
I had a blast with you just talking and dancing -- you can move! I have to take you dancing more. That kiss was great! Hope I didn't dissappoint or go to far, but it was really hott!! Look forward to connecting again, maybe somewhere outside of the club scene, if thats all good with you. Hope youre having a good day.
~A

We chatted for a while. I'm still excited but nervous. I don't think Saturday is going to happen -- I just have a feeling.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Just Another Sunday

This was our third Sunday in a row shopping. I bought me a couple pair of shoes and more jeans. Been spending too much money. I need to stop this retail therapy. The Ex didn't find anything he liked, unfortunately. After shopping we went to our favorite French cafe for lunch, like we usually did on Sundays. The Ex said he was thinking of joining my gym, signing up for the 3 month special. I was shocked. We later headed to the gym and worked out together -- looks like we'll add this to our Sunday routine. The rest of the evening was also the same; grocery shopping, cooking, watching TV or a DVD, cleaning up, then bed. It's times like these that I feel we're still a couple.